Traffic Rules

Thou shalt not overtake from the right.
Thou shalt not overtake from the right and cut another vehicle off in order to make a right hand turn.
Thou shalt not overtake from the right and cut another vehicle off in order to make a right hand turn without signaling.

Clear hai?

How insensitive she is, she can be.
She hasn't the slightest idea.
I wonder just how alike we are.

Resignation stories

Tale One

Me to boss: Erm, I want to resign.
Boss: (giggles loudly and alarmingly girlishly)
Me: Erm, I'm serious.
Boss: Okay...(clears throat, adjusts ponytail, tries to make voice masculine again) Why?
Me: I'm ill and I need a break.
Boss: Bored, huh?
Me: Very
Boss: Okay.

Tale Two

Me to male colleague who walks and behaves like a crotchety old spinster aunt: I have resigned!
MC (hahahaha!): Oh. When's your last day?
Me: July...
MC: That means I need to take leave before that. Damn. And ... is still away. He won't be back until ... and ... also wants leave. Bloody fucking nonsense.

Tale Three

Me to male colleague who has his nose permanently up the boss' arse: I resigned!
MC2: Oh. When's your last day?
Me: July...
MC: That means I need to take leave before that. Damn. And ... is still away. He won't be back until ... and ... also wants leave. Bloody fucking nonsense.

(clearly my co-workers love and cherish me and are heartbroken at my sudden, life-altering decision)

The Universe has twisted knickers

Ok, so sombody robbed my phone.
Yes , ROBBED it.
We went away for the weekend and someone robbed it. Among other things. Belonging to other people.
So.
Here I am all looking forward to buying another one. And trying not to look too excited because people will think I'm mad.
In the mean time we get a call, and we drive all the way to this police station on the edge of the ocean.
And we wait and we wait.
And after all that waiting, out of all the things that everybody lost the ONLY thing they gave us back was;
My phone.
If you please.

.

No, I'm not buying a new one anyway.

Where have all you cakesniffers gone??

Comfort

There is nothing quite so satisfying as going through all the nasty mails people have sent your boss and laughing in glee particularly on days when he chooses to be a proverbial arse.

I'm sure there are other ways to cheer yourself up though, MacDonald's is a good alternative.

Hell is..

being stuck behind an L board in rush hour traffic.

City traffic is a bitch, thank God for the radio.

law of nature

When the cat goes to drink coffee, the mice will play.

I'm learning to conform.
I'm learning to say things like

-wassup?
-gr8.
-so what else?
-tell me.
-how is work?
-so what else.
-fuck it, I can't do this.

correct english pliss

CCB: i think it's funny anyways

oh my god

i just said anyways

i want to kill myself

FFL: :)

at least you didn't say anyhoo

CCB::-P

FFL:see now that's funny

CCB: no!

it's mortifiying

FFL: slap stick man

In conversation

"... oh i'm very disorganized

and take great pride in being so

I'm ensuring that nobody else is able to do my work, hence making me irreplaceable

let's call it job security." (evil grin)

when we were babies

chowchowbath: huh?i said you don't eat chillies at all
Fat Louie : oh correct
chowchowbath: :-P
Fat Louie: it's not my fault i was raised on bland food
chowchowbath: dingo ding
Fat Louie: my parents gave me gerber when i was a baby :P
chowchowbath: (runs away and hides)
what it is?gerber-werber?
Fat Louie: dingo ding?
chowchowbath: hahaha
making fun of you. pliss to loff.
gerber. what it is?
Fat Louie: pataki
gerber is that bottled baby food. it's ridiculously expensive and absolutely bland. while other sensible people were grinding up food in the mixi, my mom and dad were buying all this crap
chowchowbath: you were all fancy babies, then?
we were fed rasam-rice mashed up
Fat Louie: we were raised on gerber and milk powder
chowchowbath: fancy pants babies
Fat Louie: some S21 thing
chowchowbath: fancy pants fancy pants
Fat Louie: chikini bindi
chowchowbath: huh? what and all you are calling me?
Fat Louie: i'm making fun of you too
ps- i have no idea what that means
chowchowbath: :-P
(with the pfff noise)

In Transit?

A person from the courier office had to go from Bangalore to Davengere collect the document from the hospital receptionist and personally hand it over to a doctor in the same building.

Apparently in Davengere hospital staff get lost between reception and the Dean's office.

aiyiiyomaiyiyo aiyiiyomaiyiyo aiyiiyomaiyiyo aiyiiyomaiyiyo


(full bored+need to pee)

No-one says anything 'over phone'.

Truthfulness

Do you know that where I live
If you throw a pebble
You'll hit a Malayalee?

Mr Snoop

No matter how much you peep to check my computer screen, I am still to going chat and work. It's called multi-tasking!

Men

They think all their chaddi buddies are part of the family.

News Flash:

THEY'RE NOT

and that includes the dog.