Traffic Rules

Thou shalt not overtake from the right.
Thou shalt not overtake from the right and cut another vehicle off in order to make a right hand turn.
Thou shalt not overtake from the right and cut another vehicle off in order to make a right hand turn without signaling.

Clear hai?

How insensitive she is, she can be.
She hasn't the slightest idea.
I wonder just how alike we are.

Resignation stories

Tale One

Me to boss: Erm, I want to resign.
Boss: (giggles loudly and alarmingly girlishly)
Me: Erm, I'm serious.
Boss: Okay...(clears throat, adjusts ponytail, tries to make voice masculine again) Why?
Me: I'm ill and I need a break.
Boss: Bored, huh?
Me: Very
Boss: Okay.

Tale Two

Me to male colleague who walks and behaves like a crotchety old spinster aunt: I have resigned!
MC (hahahaha!): Oh. When's your last day?
Me: July...
MC: That means I need to take leave before that. Damn. And ... is still away. He won't be back until ... and ... also wants leave. Bloody fucking nonsense.

Tale Three

Me to male colleague who has his nose permanently up the boss' arse: I resigned!
MC2: Oh. When's your last day?
Me: July...
MC: That means I need to take leave before that. Damn. And ... is still away. He won't be back until ... and ... also wants leave. Bloody fucking nonsense.

(clearly my co-workers love and cherish me and are heartbroken at my sudden, life-altering decision)

The Universe has twisted knickers

Ok, so sombody robbed my phone.
Yes , ROBBED it.
We went away for the weekend and someone robbed it. Among other things. Belonging to other people.
So.
Here I am all looking forward to buying another one. And trying not to look too excited because people will think I'm mad.
In the mean time we get a call, and we drive all the way to this police station on the edge of the ocean.
And we wait and we wait.
And after all that waiting, out of all the things that everybody lost the ONLY thing they gave us back was;
My phone.
If you please.

.

No, I'm not buying a new one anyway.

Where have all you cakesniffers gone??

Comfort

There is nothing quite so satisfying as going through all the nasty mails people have sent your boss and laughing in glee particularly on days when he chooses to be a proverbial arse.

I'm sure there are other ways to cheer yourself up though, MacDonald's is a good alternative.

Hell is..

being stuck behind an L board in rush hour traffic.

City traffic is a bitch, thank God for the radio.

law of nature

When the cat goes to drink coffee, the mice will play.

I'm learning to conform.
I'm learning to say things like

-wassup?
-gr8.
-so what else?
-tell me.
-how is work?
-so what else.
-fuck it, I can't do this.